Does growing up mean to face all the complicated things alone?

Does growing up mean to give up all the pure daydreams?

Who can cry with me, to forget all the things we hate?

As I cry inside, no one's here with me.

Can I refuse to grow up? Can I still behave like a child, to get a pair of wings when the breeze blows past my face?

Will I feel contented with a little gift like before?

I can't stop asking myself. Growing up gives me too many doubts.

>

Maybe I don't love LT. Maybe it's just because he's the first boy who is so close to me. Maybe it's just because we have the same hobbies. It's just... like, not love.

Yes of course I like him.

Then love?

Definitely maybe.

I cannot even remember his face.

I remember that I've once liked a boy. He loves playing basketball just like LT. But I didn't behave like the other girls, that went to the playground to watch the boys. I would just looked at him when I walked pass the playground. And he didn't notice me. I would never be like the other girls, that scream when he scored. I just looked at him silently.

I liked him, maybe was because he was the first boy who called me on my way to dormitory.

He used to sit near me. I liked listening to all the things he said. Afterward, he changed his seat. He changed a lot. I began to doubt whether I love him

I liked him for nearly one year. He changed too much.

>

Have I really decided not to keep in touch with LT any more? It's a bit difficult to forget him. Because he's really special. It's not easy to meet a boy who likes punk rock besides me.

He seems to neglect me. He's not the special LT on that Sunday. Only that day, I knew I loved him. Just for an afternoon, an evening, I was sure about my feeling. Was that just an illusion?

Last Thursday he said he could teach me to play basketball on the phone. I hoped it was real. But it's just joking. We won't meet again. Or even talk again. Next Tuesday is his birthday, will I call him?

I think my call is not important to him. And, I'm just an unimportant friend to him.

I'm a bit foolish.

Don't call. Forget him.

Can I let you know that I'm not brave?

If I can, I really want to remember you.

If I can, I really want to hold you.

But I can't. I can't fall. I can't know your feeling.

>

I'm just the bird without wings. I just dream. Daydream. But I live in the reality.

Cause we lost it all, nothing last forever. I'm sorry, I can't be perfect. Now it's just too late, and we can't go back now.

I feel so breaking up, and I give up.